THE HEADLINES ON ORKUT

Without much ado, let me take you through some of the Orkut headlines people have. //My comments are in blue between forward-slashes.//

headline:changes every day..............headlines //Agreed dude that it changes everyday (unless of course it's about the ash-abhi wedding which DOESN'T change for seven days in a row!) but what does the series of dots followed by another mention of the word headlines mean?//

headline: They asked me for "headline".I told 'em "receding" //You think this is witty, huh? Go jump out the first floor window, you mean poor-joke-crackist-monster!//

headline: Headline??....what headline!?? //Yeah, I mean I won't blame this Orkuteer actually. What is the whole deal about having a headline in your profile anyway? Like what's the big news in your life today or something? How about "I've lost an expensive mobile, suffering from the hideous aftermaths of measles and my health insurance expired a day after I broke up with that rich brat!" What can be so extraordinary in one's life that one makes it a headline on a page that has almost negligible readership?//

headline: HEADLINE- no headline,but Stitches hain head pe ! //Kill-bill, u're soooo innocent. Do you know that this line doesn't make you one bit more desirable?//

headline: This is supposed to be a HEADLINE //Hey, in recognition of your exemplary work in making brainless-Indian-orkuteers understand what a headline looks like the National Council of Vella-gurus Management, India awards you with a free holiday package for this summer! It's two days three nights for 2 adults with 2 children to the city of sand-dunes, Jaiselmer! Have a sunny holiday, uncle.//

headline: tHE HeaDLinE Is dAt tHere iS nO hEaDliNe //C'mon man, This is not a red-star (read mandatory) field. If there is NO headline then do not add one unnecessarily. Free advice: please avoid populating garbage. Period. OK, I'm not that mean really. BTW, this headline comes from somebody who has a real headline (the name field) which says "I forgive but never forget"...Scary, huh? THE BAD GUY WILL GET KILLED EVENTUALLY! Ha ha//

headline: No Headline is the best headline... //Dude, nobody's asking you for the best headline. Man, you are a real perfectionist, haina? If there's a headline you may write on orkut it has to be the best or else - you naughty-naughty amir-khan-replica (For the uninitiated - Amir Khan is supposed to be a wannabe perfectionist!) - you would write something else instead of the headline there. Isn't it? I would really like to hear this guy out on his opinion on "no headline" and it's interpretation. If no headline is best, why is there a headline in your profile at all, samurai?//

U NEED A HEADLINE HUH ILL GIVE U A HEADLINE ...//Maaro, Maaro!//

headline: Wht's a headline? Heard abt bottomlines. // Oh, so this noble soul is one of those over-educated, jargon-sucking-dumb-asses! S/he (It was a he, if I remember correctly) understands "bottom lines" right but not "headlines". Alright, care to explain whose "bottom line" is affected really with Bernanke's 75-basis-point cut on the Fed rate, Mr. Management Guru?//

headline: NO headlines Plz...as my whole life is a headline //Dudette, there's something called reality check in this world...Care for one? I have nothing against you personally but your headline reads like you think you're Princess Diana or something - "my whole life is a headline". Sweetie, you sound like you are really open-minded; so much so that your brains have fallen out long before you started making headlines.//

AND PEOPLE, HERE'S THE BEST ONE:

The headline is:

"My husband is a moratu paiyan beware before readin." //WHAT THE HELL DOES MORATU PAIYAN MEAN? I'm damned curious, and it's killing me! I even googled it. Didn't quite help, as you'd know if you try it hands-on yourself. My guess is the "Moratu Paiyan" people resemble software viruses which have the capability to harm you virtually if you read their spouse's profile..err..no? And also, I don't mean to be disrespectful but who the fuck hangs a "beware" warning about one's spouse...I mean, it's done for dogs I know for sure but lady, that's your husband and HE'S A HUMAN BEING for God's sake! :P//

AND, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE FUN DOESN'T END HERE. HERE IS WHAT MORATU PAIYAN MAN'S LADY-LOVE HAS ADDED IN OTHER ORKUT FIELDS:

in my bedroom you will find: Read the headline again //Read: Beware of the Dog. YES, it really reads like that!//

my idea of a perfect first date: Read the headline properly....//Read: Haven't you read the warning properly, you useless-wanderer-of-useless-SNSs! There's a dog on watch here!//

DISCLAIMER: The other day I read a mean post on a mean blog by a gal who sounded like a mean one herself. Admittedly, I was a bit disgusted. So, here's a bit of a clarification: Those comments on the sidelines were purely to push up the funny quotient. The reader may bear in his/her mind the fact that I'm not making fun of other homo-sapiens here. I think it is perfect to be nice to people, (that way you never have any fun in life :P) that way all troubles are at bay 24X7. Before you sue me for posting your headlines here, let me educate you on intellectual patenting norms and regulations for which you may have to leave you email address and e-learning charges of $2500 (Yes, you are right that's how much a Tata Nano will cost on-road, although there is no apparent connection between this fact and the context here except this that Tata Nano has something to do with my headline on Orkut!)

Have a great weekend, folks! Watch this blog for next on the Orkut series.